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Forgiveness

Should We Forgive & Forget?

We’ve all been hurt. We’ve all been forgiven. We’ve all needed to be forgiven. But I seriously doubt we’ve forgotten.

“Forgive and forget” sounds good advice until you’re the one hearing it. When the conflict is personal and when the hurt is deep, it seems like you’re expected to do something impossible. And for the Christian, it begs the question: Is “forgive and forget” biblical?

Does God Forgive and Forget?

I am so thankful we serve a forgiving God! The Bible teaches that “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23) and “There is no one on earth who is righteous” (Ecclesiastes 7:20). You can say you’re a pretty good person, but the fact is no one has perfectly kept all of God’s commands.

Jesus died on the cross in order to forgive our sins and to remove the judgment we earned for ourselves (Romans 6:23).  We have been forgiven and washed clean through faith in Jesus Christ, “There is… no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

Isaiah 42:25 says the LORD will “sweep away your transgressions…and remember them no more.” This, however doesn’t mean that God literally forgets them. Instead, the power of sin has been swept away, so God does not call it to mind anymore. We see this portrayed in Jesus’ very own body.

Jesus was crucified and nailed to the cross. When he rose from the grave, we know he still had nail holes in his hands. We know this, because Jesus showed them to Thomas when he said he wouldn’t believe Jesus rose unless he saw them and touched them. (John 21:24-29)

Jesus’ “resurrection body” still had scars. He remembered the sin for which he died. He remembered Thomas’ doubt. He perfectly forgave and remembered.

Forgiveness & Trust

God’s children are commanded to do as Christ did: to forgive and reconcile, even if it requires great sacrifice. We are called to be peacemakers (Matt. 5:9) and agents of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:11-21). If Christians only show kindness and mercy towards those who are kind and merciful to them, then how are they any different from nonChristians (Luke 6:27-36)? Instead, Jesus called his disciples to a bold kind of mercy.

We can give forgiveness to those who hurt us. Sometimes forgiveness can take a long time to really give, and that’s ok. The deeper the offense, the longer it will take before you can really forgive that person. Don’t rush it. It’s ok to say, “I want to forgive you, and I’m trying to. But I’m just not ready yet, I need more time.”

“He who walks with the wise becomes wise. A companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20). If you suffered harm because you were hanging out with fools, then forgive them but don’t start walking with them again!

Forgiveness is given. Trust, however, is earned. If a person has shown themselves to be untrustworthy, it is not a mark of wisdom to put your trust in them. At the same time, Christians are people who live with the daily reminder that God has redeemed them and transformed their lives. Of course God can do the same thing for this untrustworthy person who has caused us harm.

So what are we to do? For the most part, forgiveness means you give someone the opportunity to regain your trust, but that starts in the small things and slowly increases as people prove their repentance and trustworthiness.

Pray for Wisdom

Life is complicated. Relationships are messy. We all need to pray for wisdom, and live with a heart that desires to glorify God. This may lead us back to people who caused great pain in our lives. God can bring is truly beautiful and miraculous healing and redemption.

As you navigate broken or strained relationships – pray for God’s wisdom. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus Christ, who loved you while you were still his enemy. Remember Jesus’ prayer for his own crucifiers, “Father, forgive them. For they do not know what they are doing.” And in your heart, ask the Holy Spirit to give you a desire to forgive and be reconciled. That is the starting point for all potential reconciliation. From that point, pray for wisdom and for the peace of the Holy Spirit. Because not every broken relationship will be mended on this side of eternity… but living with resentment and anger is contrary to the way of the cross.

(note: this post is an edited/revised version of an older post)

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What’s the Difference Between Grace and Mercy?

The Bible is full of references to grace and mercy, and yet many Christians can attend church for years without being able to give a clear and simple explanation of the difference.

To put it simply, the difference is this: Mercy is “not receiving something you deserve” while Grace is “receiving something you don’t deserve.” We see mercy in action when we get pulled over for driving too fast but receive a verbal warning instead of a hefty fine. Similarly, grace is at work and on display when a victim’s family forgives the man who murdered their son or daughter.

Mercy is an expression of grace, but they are not the same thing. Here are a few examples from Scripture and what they have to do with the gospel.

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Why Can’t God Overlook Sin?

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 6:23

The paycheck of sin is death. That is what we’ve earned. And yet, many of us struggle with the teaching that momentary sins would receive eternal death – it seems awfully extreme. It is a common question: “If God is love, why can’t God overlook sin?”

  • Johnny has disobeyed his parents all day long but expects to get rewarded with ice cream at the end of the day.
  • Suzie is hoping for a pay raise or promotion at her next review, even though she routinely ignores her boss’ instructions and does things her own way instead.
  • Bill doesn’t understand why he failed his math exam. After all, he recently discovered a whole new way of doing math that’s better than the “old way” of the past.

These simple examples reflect the justice and love of God. It would not be right or “good” for Johnny, Suzie, or for Bill to be rewarded. They have all disregarded human authority who has been rightly placed over them. And if it is good for us to receive appropriate discipline by human authority, why would God overlook our sin?

Forgiveness

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Is Repentance Necessary to be a Christian?

I used to know someone, we’ll call him Fred, who boasted about his Christian faith while talking about his party lifestyle. He would do whatever he wanted all week long and party hard on the weekends. But he always made time to go to confession on Saturday to make sure he was “all set” before God. But my question is this: does that work?

Is it enough to believe in your mind certain truths about the gospel and lay hold of the promise, “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 6:1)?

Here’s the short answer: Saving faith in the gospel moves us past confession into repentance.

The Difference Between Confession & Repentance
The heart of confession is telling the truth. Telling the truth about God, and telling the truth about yourself. There are two kinds of “confessions” necessary:

  • Confessing the truth about God. If we don’t know the truth about who God is and what he’s done, then we cannot place our faith in the good news of Jesus Christ. At minimum, we need to understand who Jesus is, what happened on the cross, why it was necessary, and what God expects of those who confess faith in him.
  • Confessing the truth about yourself. We need to admit to God and to others that we realize our complete inability to save ourselves. When we come to recognize the severity of our sin, and the wrath that is rightfully ours, then we confess our great need and God’s greater provision.

Meanwhile, repentance is a change in behavior. Where confession has to do with the mouth, repentance addresses the hands and feet.

  • Repentance is a change in direction. It’s an about-face: whereas before you were walking in one direction you have stopped, confessed “I’m going in the wrong direction!,” turned around, and begun walking in the correct direction.

Turn Around Continue reading “Is Repentance Necessary to be a Christian?” →

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Christianity Without Repentance?

Imagine a man who gets married but continues to live with bachelor-priorities. He may be in love, but he’s not ready to become a husband. Marriage requires a change in priorities and in lifestyle for both husband and wife. Decisions will be made differently, money will be shared, and each person’s actions affects the other.

In the same way, no one becomes a Christian without repentance. It is not enough to hear the gospel and intellectually believe it. Faith in Christ leads to confession of sin and repentance. Sin must be confessed and repented of, or Christ will merely be viewed as the safety net to protect us from hell.

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Is “Forgive and Forget” Biblical?

We’ve all been hurt. We’ve all been forgiven. We’ve all needed to be forgiven. But some hurts are simply too difficult to truly forget.

“Forgive and forget” sounds good advice until you’re the one hearing it. Then, when it’s personal and when the hurt is deep, it seems like you’re expected to do something impossible. And for the Christian, it begs the question: Is “forgive and forget” biblical?

cloud-over-mountains
Continue reading “Is “Forgive and Forget” Biblical?” →

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